I work in an office where I spend most of my time in front of a computer inputting forms and checking facts, basically I perform a lot of tasks that don't require a lot of critical thinking. Though if you were to ask me if I was bored, I would say, "Hell no, I've discovered Spotify!" Turns out, Spotify has a fuck-ton of podcasts that I get to listen to while I work. How do you think I've had so much time to listen to The Chronicles of Oz (BTW, season 3 is in the works now. So excited!)? But in-between episodes, I've had to search for other fiction podcasts to listen to and as it turns out, creepy-pastas are quite popular on the podcast format.
For those of you who aren't familiar with the term or "genre" (I use this term loosely), creepy-pastas are horror stories that you can read on the Internet. Anyone can write a creepy-pasta and post it online on a forum (Reddit's No Sleep forum is quite popular and even became a podcast). You may be familiar with some creepy-pasta monsters such as Slender-man and Jeff the Killer. There are also popular legends that get their start online such as "The Russian Sleep Experiment", "Candle Cove" (this became the basis of season one of SyFy Channel's Channel Zero), and "Gateway of the Mind" (my very favorite). Basically, they are horror stories, but one common trait you tend to see is that they are often written as if they are true accounts. This is probably why a lot of people tend to confuse them for true stories (this is how figures like Slender-man become legends; also a lot of people think "The Russian Sleep Experiment" actually happened).
Return to "Return to Oz"
This brings us to this post. On the podcast Creepy, one of the stories was called: "Return to 'Return to Oz'". Naturally, this piqued my interest. It was a long story as well, longer than most of the stories presented on the podcast, but it was Oz-related. If was anything like the gory, serial killer My Little Pony fan-fiction, I was sure going to listen to it.
I was disappointed. It was this long-winded story about a guy who grew up in the 1990's in Cornwall and watched Return to Oz as a kid despite how much it scared him. I know that this movie scares a lot of people and were traumatized as kids when they watched it, but the protagonist of this story was an absolute pussy! He talked about how he was afraid of Mombi (understandable), Dorothy's house (really?), and even Jack Pumpkinhead. ARE YOU SHITTING ME? WHO IS AFRAID OF JACK PUMPKINHEAD? HE'S A CINNAMON ROLL AND LITERALLY ONE OF THE FEW CHARACTERS IN THE MOVIE WHO ISN'T CONSIDERED SCARY. GROW A FUCKING PAIR OF BALLS, DUDE! Seriously, he said he liked Tik-Tok but Jack-wouldn't hurt-a-fly-Pumpkinhead was too scary.
His summary of the movie was broken up with childhood memories that the movie reminded him of. Dorothy's house reminded him of the old house where the child molester in his neighborhood lived and later committed suicide; Mombi and her removable heads reminded him of when a classmate was decapitated by a truck in the street (creepy-pastas tend to be more gory than scary to me); then he keeps asking himself "Why do I keep thinking Dorothy drowned in the creek in the beginning of the movie?" until the end where it's revealed that he had a younger sister named Dorothy who drowned in the creek near their house and his guilt of not being able to save her has always haunted him.
Not only was it poorly organized and full of meandering asides, but it wasn't even a scary story and that is what a creepy-pasta is supposed to be: a scary story.
After listening to a 90 minute snore-fest (I listened to the whole thing because I was hoping for a big twist ending and because it was effective background noise to my work), I started thinking: I wonder if there are any other Oz-themed creepy-pastas out there. So I googled and this is what I found:
Wizard of Oz: 1936 by JazzylovesIzzy
This creepy-pasta is about a person who collects Oz memorabilia and hears rumors about a version of the movie that came out three years before the official version. They finally find a video tape at a garage sale of an old man whose father worked for MGM. After they rush home and find an old VCR, they pop it in and watch it. The movie is full of swearing, a creepy-smiling Glinda, a Wicked Witch of the West with "Freddy Kruger gloves" and it ends with the Scarecrow getting set on fire, Tin Man having acid poured on him, the Lion torn to shreds in graphic detail by the flying monkeys, and Dorothy's organs getting eaten by the Wicked Witch. The protagonist throws the tape away but next time they check the garbage to ensure it was still in there, it had disappeared.
Essentially, this is a "lost episode" creepy-pasta. "Lost episode" stories take beloved, real-life, childhood shows and movies and twists them into something gruesome and traumatizing. Stories like "Squidward's Suicide" and "Suicide Mouse" (a Mickey Mouse short that shows him going through Hell and his face melting off) have actual videos that you can watch online, but the stories attached to them are fake. According to the story of "Suicide Mouse", Walt Disney animated it and it was rediscovered when Disney employees were digitizing old cartoons and the first one to watch all eight minutes of it was a security guard who immediately shot himself in the head. The actual Mickey Mouse cartoon is real and you can watch it online, but it's safe to assume that Disney didn't create it and it was probably made by someone with good animation skills and twisted mind.
The Wizard of Oz Uncut by u/pacersnation16
This is similar to the last pasta but instead of fan-fic gore, it goes through all the rumors and scandals that everyone knows about the production of the 1939 film. The story talks about an "uncut" version of the movie that shows Dorothy getting slapped by the director after ruining the take with the Cowardly Lion, Buddy Ebsen getting suffocated by his makeup after the cameraman tampered with it, Margaret Hamilton being set on fire, and the infamous Munchkin hanging scene, but here, the narrator claims the version they saw showed the Munchkin being hung against their will. The movie ends with a shot of Judy Garland's dead body on floor after her overdose decades after The Wizard of Oz was made. The tape was so traumatizing to the narrator that they imply at the end that they are going to commit suicide (a lot of creepy-pastas end like this for some reason).
Clearly, this creepy-pasta was written more for shock-value than horror. The descriptions of actors being tortured offer somewhat of a horror quality, but overall, it is more Saw than Stephen King.
Honorable (or Horrible) Mention: The Hanging Munchkin by unknown
In my search for creepy-pastas, this seemed to pop up a lot. It's an irritating little urban legend that the Oz fandom has to put up with, along with the political allegory legend and "The Dark Side of the Rainbow". According to Snopes.com, the legend first emerged around the 50th Anniversary of the film in 1989 and someone made up a story about a heartbroken little person actor who hung them self on set and now you can see their dangling body in the background of the forest scenes with Dorothy and the Scarecrow. We now know that it wasn't a dead person hanging from a tree, but just a bird (though I've seen the freeze frame and it's such a blur that it could be anything like a misplaced prop or something). But despite this legend predating the Internet, it deserved a mention because the Internet has enabled it to spread and it appears to have spread mainly on creepy-pasta websites and forums.
Unless your curiosity is burning a hole into your brain, I don't recommend looking these up. I included the authors in case you wanted to as well as to give credit where credit is due, but these creepy-pastas aren't that entertaining unless you are a fan of Saw or The Purge. Personally, I prefer the psychological horror stories, so if you want to read good pastas I recommend: "Gateway to the Mind", "The Well to Hell", "Candle Cove", "The Russian Sleep Experiment", and "Burgrr Entries".
If you know of any good Oz-themed creepy-pastas, please tell me about them in the comments. I love stories, so I'd love to hear the Oz pastas you know! Until then, sweet dreams!
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